How you handle yourself in your relationships says a lot about you as a person. Are you someone who easily gets resentful? Do you find it difficult to stay positive? If so, don't worry – you're not alone! Many people struggle with maintaining positivity and avoiding resentment in their relationships. But the good news is that by understanding yourself and your partner's personality type, you can work towards having more positive and constructive relationships!
One of the first things you need to do is understand your own personality type and pain points. What are the things that trigger negative emotions for you? Once you know this, you can work on managing your reactions better. For example, if you're someone who gets easily defensive, try to take a step back and breathe when conflict arises instead of immediately getting into an argument.
Tips for finding your pain points:
- Talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you understand yourself better
- Take a personality test (such as the Myers Briggs Personality Test)
- Keep a journal and track when you start to feel negative emotions
- Talk to close friends or family members who know you well and can give honest feedback
It's also important to understand how different personality types communicate differently. If you're talking to someone who likes to process verbally, they may need some time to think through their thoughts before responding. On the other hand, if you're talking to someone who prefers non-verbal communication, they may not express themselves as openly or share as much information. This doesn't mean they're not interested in the conversation – it's just how they prefer to communicate.
Once you know your own triggers, it's time to look at the different ways we can negotiate with others. If you're talking to someone who is very logical (such as an INTJ), it's important to be clear and direct in your communication. On the other hand, if you're talking to someone who is more feelings-oriented (such as an ENFP), it's important to be compassionate and understanding.
When it comes to preventing conflict, one of the best things you can do is learn how to compromise. This means understanding what your needs are, as well as what the needs of your partner are. Once you know this, you can start to negotiate and find middle ground that works for both of you. For example, if you're a neat freak and your partner is more relaxed about mess, maybe you can agree to tidy up together once a week instead of every day.
By being clear about our needs and communicating them in a non-threatening way, we can build positive relationships and prevent resentment from forming in our relationships.
If you're someone who is easily resentful, it's important to learn how to let go of grudges. This doesn't mean forgetting what happened – it just means forgiving your partner and moving on. One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness and being present in the moment. This will help you focus on the here and now instead of dwelling on past hurt.
It's also important to be honest with yourself about your expectations. If you're expecting your partner to always be available when you need them, you're likely to end up feeling resentful when they're not. Instead, try to understand that everyone has their own needs and boundaries. Accepting this will help you feel more positive about your relationship.
Finally, remember that relationships are a two-way street. If you're feeling resentful, it's likely that your partner is too. Take some time to talk to them about what's going on and see if there's anything you can do to help make the situation better. Depending on your personality type, and the personality type of the one(s) you love, you can practice different skills to maintain positivity in your conversations and avoid the growth of resentment. Here are some examples of different things you may want to consider when communicating with INTJ and ENFP personality types...
- Set clear boundaries and expectations with your partner
- Communicate openly and honestly about what you need
- Be willing to compromise on some things
- Don't be afraid to express your feelings to your partner
- Seek out quality time together doing things you both enjoy
- Avoid making assumptions about what your partner is thinking or feeling
Both INTJs and ENFPs need to be aware of their own communication style and the needs of their partner. By doing this, they can work towards more positive and constructive relationships!
Fostering Positive Communication
Personality types can give us a helpful framework for understanding ourselves and others, but it's important to remember that we are all complex individuals with our own unique experiences and perspectives. By taking the time to understand yourself and your partner, as well as learning how to communicate effectively, you can nurture positivity and avoid resentment in your relationships!
Here are some tips to help you foster positivity in your relationships through clear and calm communication, no matter your personality:
- Be clear and concise in your communication
- Respect each other's boundaries
- Listen more than you talk
- Avoid making assumptions
- Seek to understand before being understood
- Try to find common ground
So next time you're feeling triggered or defensive, take a step back and try to see the situation from your partner's perspective. With a little understanding and patience, you can foster more positive and constructive relationships with the people you love!
If you enjoyed this blog, check out my book, Who is this Monster (or treasure) in my house?, to learn more about personality types, and how they influence your relationships and life.